Attachment, empathy and a new beginning

March 25, 2026

By the time 14 year old Henry and his family were referred to CatholicCare’s Targeted Early Intervention (TEI) program, they were reaching breaking point. Henry spent hours each day isolated in his room, immersed in video games and shutting out the world around him. He had begun threatening to take his own life, and his outbursts at home had become increasingly violent. His relationship with his mother was tense and disconnected – he didn’t feel seen, heard or safe. The family was overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.

“There were some traumatic experiences in Henry’s childhood, especially with his dad, that were having a deep impact on his emotional state,” explains Giuliana, the Case Worker who worked closely with the family. “His mother, who is his primary carer, had never acknowledged how much he was hurting. His mum was seeing the behaviour – anger, defiance, outbursts – but not the pain underneath. What Henry needed was connection and validation from his mum, but at that time, she wasn’t able to give that to him.”

“If his mum ever asked him to do anything, even something small, it would quickly spiral,” Giuliana recalls. “There were a lot of big behaviours – yelling, throwing things like remote controls, plants, vases. Once, he threatened to kill himself with a knife and the police had to be called. His mum didn’t know how to respond. She would panic, beg him not to do it, then call emergency services. It was terrifying for her, and it just kept escalating.” Underneath all of it, Henry was communicating in the only way he knew how.

“Mum’s parenting style had a strong focus on discipline,” Giuliana explains. “Validating emotions didn’t come naturally to her – it just wasn’t something she had grown up with or seen modelled. So, it took time for her to understand why this was important. I used the whiteboard a lot during our sessions to break down concepts in a really practical, visual way. That helped her start to shift her perspective and approach.”

When Giuliana started working with Henry’s mother, she focused on understanding the reasons behind Henry’s behaviour. “I introduced his mum to the Anger Iceberg model -explaining that while Henry’s anger was the part she could see, underneath were much deeper emotions like sadness, fear and shame,” Giuliana explains. “Two of the non-negotiable needs for any young person are to feel safe and unconditionally loved, and that includes feeling safe enough to express their emotions to a caregiver. Much of my work centred on repairing the broken connection between Henry and his mum. I used the Circle of Security model, helping her understand that she needed to be the ‘secure hands’ – a safe base for Henry to return to when he was distressed. That was our goal – for Henry to know his mum was someone he could trust and turn to, no matter what.”

Over the course of a year, the family participated in regular sessions grounded in attachment theory and slowly, trust was rebuilt.

Henry’s mother learned to approach difficult moments with empathy rather than discipline. Instead of reacting to slammed doors and silence, she began saying things like, “You seem upset. How was your day?” This seemingly small change opened the door to emotional connection.

She also began looking for ways to connect with Henry through his interests, particularly his love of gaming. “Even though she wasn’t interested in games, I encouraged her to ask questions and get curious,” Giuliana explains.

One milestone came when Henry, who had always eaten dinner alone, began sitting at the family table a few nights a week. “It may seem small, but for this family, it was huge,” says Giuliana.

A significant breakthrough came when Henry’s mother began respecting his boundaries around seeing his father. “He didn’t feel safe with his dad, but visits were being forced,” Giuliana shares. “We gently challenged Mum to reconsider – if she had left the relationship for her own wellbeing, why require her son to endure it?” That conversation was a turning point. Henry began to feel his voice mattered and that his mum was finally hearing him.

By the end of their time with CatholicCare, the transformation in Henry and his family was remarkable. His mental health had noticeably improved, the self-harming and violent behaviours had stopped, and he was regularly attending school again. Most importantly, the home environment had shifted – Henry felt safer, more connected, and began to rebuild trust with his mother. “What Henry needed was to feel safe and unconditionally loved,” Giuliana reflects. “These are the foundations of healthy development for any child. Once he felt that, everything else started to shift.”

Henry’s story is testament to what’s possible when families are supported early, compassionately, and consistently. CatholicCare’s Targeted Early Intervention program meets families in their hardest moments and walks alongside them, helping them find their strength and rewrite their story.